Barcelona & Staring at the Darkness For Too Long

A few years back, we took our kids to hike a section of the ancient pilgrim path known as the Camino de Santiago.  It was on this hike that we had a birds-eye view of a large statue of Jesus, overlooking the city of San Sebastián, Spain.

Honestly, we needed that perspective.  We needed it because we were trying to regain hope in our hearts.

Only a few days before, we had arrived bleary-eyed in Barcelona, and no sooner did we step foot off of our metro, but John was pick-pocketed. Welcome to Barcelona. Oh boy, not the best way to start a trip!

Perhaps in retrospect, that rude awakening would protect us from what was coming our way — it would give us the extra motivation to run like Hell as we tried to make a train that would unbeknownst to us, bring us out of Barcelona right before a terrorist attack.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. Back to our arrival to Barcelona.

As we walked the city, the kids and I felt a palpable darkness — we couldn’t explain it or name it, but something wasn’t right. There was a darkness that we felt in the streets and even in the faces of some we walked by, as we navigated our way through ancient alleys and walkways.

In our first moments on Las Ramblas, many of the kids and I refused to walk down the center of the famous pedestrianized walkway. For some unknown reason, we felt it unsafe and kept to the smaller, more rickety paths along the edge. Within 24 hours, that would be the very sight that a man jumped in a van and drove down that center of the Ramblas, killing innocent men, women and children — all because hatred had taken over his heart.

I remember laying awake for both nights we stayed in Barcelona, as if I was wrestling with some unknown darkness — saying the Rosary over and over, asking God for safety for our family.

I also remember these beautiful pockets of light that shone brighter because of the darkness — in the face of a sweet waitress who served our family with such kindness and in two locations that had been designed by the faithful and imaginative Catholic architect, Antoni Gaudí.

I’ve said it before, but a man or woman of faith can leave behind a light and grace that is palpable. In both the Parc Guell and Sacrada Familia Church (both Gaudí’s projects) you could feel the Light. You could feel God’s grace — still there after almost a century of his being there — and you could feel the power of Light over the darkness.

The darkness had no place here, and it was a true testimony that the spirit in God and in His people is truly more powerful than the spirit of darkness in the world. Go to cities where the Saints have walked, and you can feel a difference as you trace their footsteps.

Why is this important? Because God didn’t give us a spirit of fear or timidity — He has given us POWER TO OVERCOME THE DARKNESS — in the world and in our own lives, with HIS GRACE! We need only say “yes!”

So the only question remaining is , “what are we waiting for?”

There is no doubt we felt the darkness in that city. It was as if a dark cloud had descended, but those spaces a faithful Catholic man and daily communicant created were FULL OF LIGHT. Never forget that — but also, it is good to pay attention to the Holy Spirit when the Spirit tells you to run like Hell. Ha, ha!

Which brings us to the morning of our departure. As we jumped out of bed and rushed off to catch a train out of the city we highly underestimated the amount of time it would take to use public transport.

At one point, we were pretty sure we weren’t going to make it to our train. It was at this point, I heard deep within my soul one word: a word that possibly saved us from a lifetime of pain. The word was RUN! It filled my every thought and so I looked at my sweet family and yelled “Run!” — and oh boy, did we run!

We all ran as fast as we could, dropping food and drinks in the process — sorry Barcelona, but we had a train to catch!

We ran until we couldn’t run anymore and then we hit a large security line — no choice but to lose all desire for human respect, grab my kids, charge to the front of the line, throw our bags through security, flash our tickets and run to that train.

We made it and rejoiced and the doors quickly closed behind us.

I had never been so sure that we had been spared something and only later that evening did I realize that we had escaped Barcelona on the day of an attack on the very streets we had walked and would have been walking if we missed that train.

The terrorist attack covered the entire stretch of the Las Ramblas and ended right at the corner where our hotel had been — no doubt we would have gone back to that very spot waiting for the next train to take us out of the city.

Within a few hours, the texts began coming in and we realized that the darkness we didn’t have a name for had been real and it had resulted in the death of beautiful men, women and children — and for what? Such a shame!

We went to Church in San Sebastián and had masses offered for our safety for the next 3 days, we walked outdoors and interacted with people and slowly the peace began to return. We walked an ancient pilgrim path and met others who had fled the city after the attack had happened and we comforted each other.  We prayed, we walked, we began to change our focus to the Light again.

Yes, there is darkness in the world, but what I discovered in that experience was that if you STARE AT THE DARKNESS FOR TOO LONG, YOU WILL LOSE HOPE.

Yes, we need to be aware of darkness and avoid darkness and sometimes run like a maniac to escape darkness — but then, we must turn our focus back to the Light or it will begin to change us, and not for the better. It will make us jaded and sad and fearful of everything.

As scary as that experience was, we knew we had to be grateful to God, pray for wisdom and protection and continue this pilgrimage we had begun with our family.

That change of focus  — away from the darkness and back to the Light — changed EVERYTHING.  

The truth is, we can choose to stare at the darkness all day long — and still there will be so much more darkness — or we can choose to look at the Light, immerse ourselves in the Light and reflect that light for others.

I guess the moral of the story is that if you have no hope in your heart, then maybe you have been staring at the darkness for too long — and you need to turn your focus back to the light.

Turn to the Light.  Seek the Light of Christ and I promise you will find hope, even if darkness is all around you.  Turn back to Him with all your heart and I promise, no matter how dark the darkness gets, it will never overcome you.  Never!

Have a beautiful Weekend. Come Holy Spirit, fill us with your light!