Love Your Enemies: The Forgiveness Dare

This Lent, I decided to do something different. I decided it was time to start working on loving my enemies: both past and present.

I was inspired by the words of Cardinal Robert Sarah in his book The Power of Silence:

“The devil invites mankind to rebellion and disorder…he sows discord and incites us to pour out our hatred upon each other…(but God) teaches us to pray for our enemies. He constantly murmurs, ‘The disciples of my beloved Son have no enemies.  Your heart must not have enemies either.'”

Cardinal Sarah

The words, “Your heart must not have enemies either” were especially challenging to me.

The dialogue began, “Really, Lord, no enemies?”

What about (fill-in-the blank?) surely you weren’t talking about that guy? Surely he deserves my hatred. And don’t get me started on (fill-in-the-blank) surely she deserves to be hated for what she did!”

But as I prayed, it seemed more clear than ever. Nope, not even that guy and not even that girl. Ugh!

In fact, I would dare say that if you want to know the root of all your sadness and sickness and bitterness in life, just tell me who your enemies are, and you will have your answer.

There is a deep connection between holding back forgiveness from others and our ability to be set free from our own sinfulness and burdens in life.

Don’t take my word for it. Jesus makes it very clear:

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Matthew 6:14-15

Loving your enemies is your path to becoming more like Christ. It is your path to freedom.

But it’s not easy.

There is a quote that has been attributed to St. Augustine — and since then to a few other famous people — but whoever said it, it bears repeating:

Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

St. Augustine

That’s good, right?

Resentment results from refusing to forgive another person for their wrongdoing. It is so damaging.

Not only does it blind us to our own shortcomings, but it also blinds us to the fact that we, too, have committed many sins towards God, and He has always been willing to forgive us for them.

So why aren’t we willing to forgive those who have offended us?

If we don’t check it, resentment will eventually eat away at the best that is within us.

Slowly, it will destroy our ability to love others and, if unchecked, it will eventually lead to a hardness of heart that will only lead to darkness and despair.

Unless we intervene in our own lives and choose to forgive and move on, we will find that we are literally stuck — like a stick in the mud — unable to move on with our lives.

And you and I have so much life to live. It would be a shame to let resentment get in the way of our living it.

Which is why I decided this would be the Lent to examine my heart deeply for the resentments and enemies that I have refused to let go of.

The goal was simple: to have no enemies left by the end of Lent.

Get rid of them!

Easier said than done. I knew I needed to come up with some sort of concrete action to carry this resolution out during my Lent.

How exactly does one get rid of their enemies?

Better put, how does one begin to forgive those who have hurt and offended them?

Honestly, I had no idea, but I came up with a very simple plan that didn’t worry too much about the emotions involved — but rather just came up with a simple action to get the ball rolling.

The rest was up to God.

The means to achieve that goal was simple: To pray every day for one enemy of my heart, to ask God to forgive me for holding on to resentment towards them, and to help me to forgive them for what they had done to me, or to the people I love.

But could something so simple actually change anything in my life? Could such a simple plan really help me to let go, to forgive and to move on?

This may surprise you — but yes! A simple act of the will, of remembering the people and actively forgiving them before God has seemed to make a big difference in my life.

I’m going to be honest, I never imagined simply saying a prayer for somebody, maybe offering Mass on that day, or offering up the little sufferings that came my way that day would actually do anything.

But, I have to say, I actually think that simple act has brought about a subtle change in me.

The truth is, if you look back in your life and discover a real legitimate hurt done by somebody, but you haven’t prayed for that person and forgiven them to the best of your ability — you are still connected to them in some strange way.

It’s like that movie Gravity in which Sandra Bullock had to cut the rope holding onto George Clooney so she could survive and get in that spaceship and make it home again.

That analogy doesn’t work so well because George Clooney was a nice guy in the movie, but the point was there was no way she could get back to that ship if she struggled to pull George along, too.

Let’s pretend for a moment that George was actually a jerk whom you had never forgiven in your life.

People, you need to cut that rope.

Set that jerk free into the abyss of the mercy of God — or at the very least set them into the Hands of God and let Him deliver justice to them.

Forgive them and move on and get back to living your life.

Because the truth is, if we hold forgiveness back from our enemies, they are connected to us in a very real way. We are in bondage, bound to them.

Perhaps more importantly, God has made it clear that if we refuse to forgive others their sins, then He won’t be able to forgive us ours.

For those of you who might be holding onto anger and bitterness towards somebody who has caused you pain — let me put it in a different light.

God has told us to forgive our enemies because He knows that it is the best thing for us — the devil, on the other hand, does not want us to forgive our enemies and to move on.

He wants us to stay there, in our anger and pain and hatred. He wants us to hold on to it and to harden our hearts to those who have offended us.

The Devil wants us to hate them, because then we won’t be free to live lives of heroic love. We’ll just be stuck in a rut that we can’t get out of.

Because the truth is, if we forgive our enemies, it sets us free. And the devil doesn’t want us to be free.

But it also sets our enemies free, free to change and to be touched by grace and to right the wrongs that they have done.

Forgiveness begins a healing in our hearts, and in the hearts of our enemies. It is one of the most powerfully transformative actions of our lives.

So what are we holding on for?

I don’t know all the good things that will come into your life and into your heart with a simple act of forgiveness and praying for your enemy, but I do know that the good will come.

I know that, at the very least, you will be opening up your heart to the forgiveness of God. That in itself will make the venture worthwhile.

But beyond that, I also believe you will begin to live your life in greater freedom.

It’s not like my life has been completely transformed this Lent, but I’ve found it’s a lot harder to hate people than at the beginning of Lent.

I’ve found myself growing more merciful with my own shortcomings and the shortcomings of others.

My heart is slowly changing. It has been a good practice for me.

So don’t be afraid to let it all go. In fact, I dare you to begin to make a habit of forgiving your enemies.

Trust that God will deliver perfect justice in the perfect time and pray for your enemies, that their hearts might change before it is too late.

Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”^[a]says the Lord.

Romans 12:19

So, I dare you. I dare you to forgive your enemies. I dare you to see the difference that it will make in your life.

It’s time to retire from the vengeance business.

You, have more important work to do and people to love. No time like the present to begin.

Have a great weekend!

Sharing over at Kelly’s.