Staying Peaceful in the Midst of Chaos

Let’s be honest.  Having kids can push us to the very edge of our physical, spiritual and emotional limits.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that parenting ain’t for sissies — let’s take a moment to let that sink in.

If we don’t take the time to face that reality, we just might not make it out alive.

This is serious stuff, people, and we need to have each other’s backs when the days get long.  We need to share the things we’ve learned along the way.

So this is my attempt at sharing a few good coping mechanisms for keeping our stuff together when we’d rather just give up, go berserk, or throw a good old-fashioned hissy fit.

First the positives:  having kids allows us to grow in ways we never imagined we needed to grow.

It also has a way of revealing all our deepest, darkest secrets that we’ve managed to hide from ourselves and the adults around us.  Kids are like little litmus tests for things like excessive pride, perfectionism, impatience, anger and selfishness.

To be honest, I don’t like to see those things in myself, but darn it, if they aren’t the very things I need to see in order to be able to unroot them so that love can thrive in my heart!

Who needs a navy seal boot camp when you have kids — especially mutliple kids and especially in those early years with no “bigs” to take at least take a little of the pressure off of you?

Sure, maybe there is the occasional person who has somehow managed to grow more selfish and self-centered through the child-raising years, but they’re more like unicorns if you ask me:  I’ve heard abut them, but I haven’t met one yet.

For most of us, our kids are our pathway to holiness.  At least I have found that to be the case.

So now that we’ve established the challenges and benefits before us, let’s talk about ways to overcome the challenges and actually enjoy these little bundles of joy God has placed in our lives.

Find ways to Laugh More

Laughter is one of the quickest ways to gain perspective and to glean the joy that is waiting to be experienced in big family life.

Maybe you are so entrenched in survival mode that you honestly haven’t laughed in a while.  If so, I have an exercise for you.  Wherever you are, just laugh.  That’s right.  Do it.

Okay, don’t be that crazy lady laughing by herself in the coffee shop right now — crazy is not what we’re going for — the point is, laughing releases endorphins in your body that act as a natural anti-depressant. What parent couldn’t use more of that?

Don’t believe me?, Here’s a scientific explanation of some of the benefits of laughter. 

Taking time to relax and have a good laugh is good for you, so find those things that make you laugh and do them.

I remember sitting down at the dinner table one day and telling John and the kids that I had heard if you just start laughing, that eventually it will lead to real laughter. Then I said, “Let’s try it”.

It felt incredibly awkward at first, with all our fake laughter, but eventually we were all sincerely laughing those deep, “laugh till you cry” belly laughs that we literally couldn’t control.

It was stupid, but it was hilarious.  Don’t be afraid to be stupid every once in a while.

Being silly with your kids, and even your friends, is a great way to laugh with them.  So check your ego at the door, because laughter leads to joy which leads to a greater enthusiasm for this life we are trying to live.

Little Breaks Can Make a Big Difference

It is not selfish to make time for friends or get away from the daily grind of life. Little breaks can help to fill us up and gain perspective, so that we can keep giving back to our family.

Obviously, anybody could get carried away with “me time”, but in general, I think most moms know when they’re taking it too far.

Taking breaks with your family is also invaluable.

Look for moments to just have fun and laugh with your family, putting the to-do lists far away.  Sometimes that means getting away from your home and having fun in a place that doesn’t remind us of the undone things in our own homes.

Wherever it is, these moments will be like the jewels you hold in your bag of family memories.  Get away from the busy and just have fun with your family.

Come Up with A “Motto” that Works for You

Do you ever have those days — those awful days where you found yourself sympathizing with Mel Gibson’s portrayal of Judas as he was running from all of those demons, disguised as children, in The Passion of the Christ?  

Clearly only a father of seven children could have understood the despair one can feel when children have pushed a person to the edge.  Ha, ha.

On those days when I could easily go “Incredible Hulk” on the people around me,  I simply remind myself of my motto, “My job is to remain peaceful in the midst of chaos” and it has proved invaluable when my kids are giving me a run for my money.

So ask God to inspire you with the right words you can remember in those moments you’re feeling overwhelmed.

It can be a scripture, a short prayer, or whatever inspires you at the moment.  Try it out.

You might be surprised by how helpful it is.

Investing In Your Little Ones Now Will Pay Off Later 

This one is especially for you moms in the trenches, on the front-lines of the battle — the moms who have all littles and no bigs.

I tip my cap to you.  You are amazing and your job right now is the absolute hardest job.  Really, it is.

Don’t get me wrong, having big kids brings bigger problems — but there’s something about having all littles that can literally push us to the edge of crazy.

You are not crazy. Life with littles is hard, but I am here to let you know it will get easier, because you will grow and become stronger in ways you never imagined.

As somebody who never envisioned myself having a lot of kids, much less actually enjoying them — I must say, my kids have become some of my favorite people in the world.

I mean that.  They are amazing — and they are not perfect — but perfect is not what we are aiming for here.

So, just know that all that time you are spending on investing into your little ones now will pay off exponentially later.

Stay strong and be prepared to be amazed at how God takes your little efforts and does big things with them.

Parent Out of Love, Not Out of Pride

Just the other day, my older kids were giving me a hard time about how I’m easier on the little ones than I was on them.

To be honest, they are right. I have eased up a bit on my little ones.

The truth is, sometimes I was too harsh and expected too much from my older ones when they were little.

Sometimes I disciplined my older ones because I didn’t want people to think I was a bad parent or I didn’t want my kids’ bad behavior to reflect poorly on me.

I guess what I’m trying to say is sometimes I was parenting out of pride, rather than out of love.

Slowly I have stopped caring what other people think about me and my parenting skills — I mean, it still hurts when somebody thinks I’m a bad parent, but I can’t worry about what everybody else thinks about my parenting skills.

I am slowly learning to care about what God thinks about my parenting.  I have learned I need to prayerfully make choices that I believe will bring my kids into a closer relationships with Christ and ignore what everybody else is doing, for the most part.

Yes, seeking out advice is a great idea,  but ultimately you need to be making decision based on the kind of parent God is asking you to be.

Keep Loving, Keep Striving, Never Give Up

Our job as a parent is to try our very best to introduce our kids to Jesus, to put their hands in His, and to slowly step back and pray that they keep walking with Him for the rest of their lives.

In some mysterious way, we are the first encounter that our kids will have with a loving God.  We are meant to reflect God’s love and mercy to our kids.

Kind of a scary prospect when you think about it, but the good news is that God is there loving us, too, as we keep trying our lousy best to love our children.

So my final word of advice is to keep striving.  Keep Loving.

Even if your kids are grown, and you feel like you’ve made a mess of things, don’t give up.  There is still work to be done. God can make all things new. He can breath new life into any relationship.

So keep trying your lousy best and trust that God will do something beautiful with all those little efforts you have put into raising your kids.