The Freedom of Not Giving a Flying Flip

Last week, I posted a simple picture on Instagram with some words of encouragement to all the parents out there trying to parent and potty-train and tackle the plethora of other responsibilities that are a part of being mom and dad to people we adore.

Seemed simple enough.

Within minutes, one woman started sharing what I assumed was “just being helpful” potty training tips. I was sincerely grateful.

Quickly, though, it moved to fear mongering about the harm I was doing to my child by delaying potty-training and finally to accusations that I was, in essence, being a bad parent by waiting until I thought my little guy was “ready”.

Well, okay then.

Fortunately, it wasn’t my first rodeo.

I had gathered lots of data from myself and other parents I knew who decided to potty-train their kids later — with zero negative “side-effects” plus the added benefit of zero accidents because we waited until our kids were ready. Hallelujah!

Don’t worry, this is not a potty-training post (you’re welcome) but it illustrates well, the original point of that Instagram post — which was to encourage parents to trust their instincts, seek out the wisdom of God and try their darnedest not to give a flying flip about what other people thought about them and their parenting choices.

Oh, the hard-fought freedom of not giving a flying flip, people! It is worth the fight.

Early in my motherhood, critical statements of a similar nature would have literally sent me spiraling down a very dark path — a dark, doubting, angry path.

Somewhere along the way, though, I had stopped caring so much about what other people think about my choices in life.

Even more beneficial, I had stopped vilifying everybody who disagreed with my choices and let me know it.

I had no desire to seek revenge or “get even” with this woman for her comments. I said a prayer for her and moved on with my day.

I was free to let her opinions be hers and mine be mine.

In the Catholic world, we call this concept “Human Respect” and in essence it is the idea that desire for human respect is often a pitfall that leads us into sin and some really bad choices for ourselves and the people we love.

It is related to the root sin of vanity, and it boils down to an excessive preoccupation with what other people think of you.

This is not to say that we shouldn’t seek out the wisdom of others — because we absolutely should — but it is to say that we will make far more mistakes in life if we root our self-worth in other people’s opinions of us.

This is not just a parent struggle. It is a human struggle — all of us face the pitfalls of our desire for human respect.

Kids or not, we need to get on top of this one before we find ourselves trapped in the slavery of always wanting to please everybody around us.

Oh, it’s an ugly trap — like quicksand really — the harder you try to please everybody around you, the more you find yourself and the people who rely upon you utterly miserable!

Which is why you need to get a grip on this one, and today is the perfect day to begin to tackle your desire to have everybody like you and begin to eradicate it from your life.

Honestly, I fall into the pitfall as much as the next girl, but there are a few tricks I’ve learned along the way to make the fight more effective.

So here you go — 3 easy steps to not giving a flying flip about other peoples’ opinions of you, your parenting methods, or any other pitfalls that lead to the people-pleaser in you to rear it’s ugly head.

Here we go!

First step: Pray, pray, pray!

I know, it seems like a cop-out, but let me tell you why prayer is so essential for fighting vanity and the desire for human respect.

Simply put, the more you know the love of God, the less you will need to seek out love from others.

This doesn’t mean you will stop loving the people around you. On the contrary, it will help you to love them for their own sake and not for the boost they can be to your ego.

If you want to stop caring so much about what other people think about you, then you need to start praying every single day.

Prayer is nothing more than your personal love story with Christ. It is a discovery of Who He Is and who He made you to be.

Oh, the freedom of discovering who you really are. Oh, the freedom of not pretending to be somebody you are not!

So get to know Him and you will grow to love Him!

There is an amazing freedom that comes in rooting yourself in the unchanging and steadfast Love of Christ and in keeping your focus on God, and His opinion of you.

As an aside, don’t beat yourself up too much about your vanity and people-pleasing tendencies.

It is important to know that vanity is rooted in an insecurity and lack of awareness of who we are in the eyes of God — so get to know Him and watch your insecurities begin to disappear.

Enough said. Moving on.

Step Two: Do the “good thing” because it is good, not because people will notice you or approve.

This one has to do with intention. It’s a bit nuanced and more complicated to gauge in your own life, but here’s a little tip for changing your mindset for why you choose to do something.

Anytime you have an important decision to make, ask God for wisdom (which sometimes comes through a wise friend or counselor) and then choose what you think is the absolute best choice, without analyzing how others will respond to it.

This one is so important to master, because often we are tempted to choose to take the “more popular” route because we will get more acclaim or acceptance.

The problem is, in our world, often the “popular” choice is not the best choice for you or your kids.

In fact, it might lead to total destruction!

If we are to avoid the pitfalls of life, we must root ourselves in Christ, so that we will have the strength to choose the unpopular thing, because it just so happens to also be the right thing to do.

Keep your focus on Christ and, ironically, you will end up making much better decisions for yourself and your family.

Besides, the wisdom of the world is nothing compared to the wisdom of God, and we won’t make it very far without seeking His wisdom above all other wisdom.

Finally, Step 3: Find good, reliable people who can help you to discern the good thing that is before you and to give you counsel when you are at a loss for what action to take.

A faithful friend — she who has found one has found a sturdy shelter. (Eccl. 6)

Seek out good friendships! Pray for them. Be a good friend to others.

We can’t possibly do this life well without good friends and family to support us in our difficult moments.

Even the Saints were, more often than not, friends with other Saints. Coincidence? I think not.

Seek to find good, faithful, and reliable friends, priests and family members to help you when you are feeling a bit lost.

A prayerful, faithful friend or priest, also striving to be free of an excessive desire for human respect, will share their honest opinions with you, and will be an invaluable resource when navigating the obstacles of life.

God never intended for us to go through this life alone. He made us to live in communion with each other.

It is in communion with others that we grow the most and it also where we find a shelter from the storms around us.

We need faithful friends and family to get us through this life. So don’t try to go it alone, and for Heaven’s sake, don’t take them for granted when you have found them!

That’s about it. Three steps to finding true freedom from the opinions of others. Hope it was helpful.

Don’t forget that true freedom comes in rooting ourselves deep in the never-changing, always dependable Love of Christ.

How much better is that, than to root yourself in the fickle, ever-changing and unreliable opinions of others?

Take it from a girl who is struggling to maintain that freedom of not giving a flying flip about people’s opinions of me — it’s worth it!

I’ve know the freedom and I’ve known the slavery, and I can honestly say this battle to let go of ego and vanity and human respect will lead to a freedom that few know in this world.

So, three cheers for not giving a flying flip about people’s opinions of us! Hip-hip-hooray!

Sharing over at Kelly’s