Finding Your Bedrock

A funny thing happens when you are about to drop your daughter off at college for the first time: you begin to evaluate how well you have prepared your child for this moment.

You may even find yourself taking advantage of lulls in conversation or long drives to dive deep into serious conversations that you feel must be had before you can consider your child “ready” to leave the nest.

You have, to this point, been the first line of defense, and that likely afforded your child the opportunity to grow up without full knowledge of the dangers and ugliness of humanity.

You took on the role of protecting your child from many of the dangers, pitfalls and sketchy people of the world — but you know that time of running interference is largely coming to an end.

So how do you prepare your child to leave the safety of their own home and to thrive in a world that isn’t always kind, good or fair?

It’s a great question, and one I think we need to seriously pray about long before their first college application is sent off or visit is made.

In many ways, we have been preparing our daughter for this moment for the last 18 years.

We’ve been trying to help form her conscience and wits and common sense so that she would be ready to thrive outside of her home.

But no matter how much preparation you have put into this big day, you have to accept that there is no such thing as completely “ready”.

Even if you did absolutely everything “right” to prepare them for this day, it doesn’t mean your kids are going to take any of it to heart — it’s this annoying thing called “free will” and it is why life is so darn unpredictable.

To make matters worse, even if they are totally on board, there will be plenty of other humans who may mess with their best intentions at living a good and noble life.

Which is why I think the very best way we can prepare our kids for this moment in their lives, is to try to introduce them, from an early age, to the individual Persons of the Trinity that dwells within them.

These Persons — Father, Son and Holy Spirit — are the very best friends and guides your kids could have.

Which is why, after all the conversations we had with our daughter along the way, I knew there was one last conversation that had to happen.

It was the moment where we told our daughter how much we loved her — but we weren’t always going to be able to be there for her when she needed us.

In moments of trouble or confusion, she was going to have to dig deep and find that bedrock within her.

She was going to have to find that solid foundation — deep within her soul — that would be the stability she needed when the storms came or the world around her grew dark.

She was going to have to find, within her soul, the indwelling Trinity. This would be her sure foundation, her shelter from the storms, her refuge.

This bedrock of peace and love and safety was already within her — but she needed to remember to slow down and find it.

Which is easier said than done, I know.

But the truth is, all baptized Christians who are free of grave sin have within them the Triune God.

Marvel at that for a moment!

Knowing that to be the case, you may still wonder how one can find that bedrock within themselves, when they feel weak and lost and alone?

It’s a complicated question with a surprisingly simple answer: we find that bedrock within us through prayer.

Which is why that moment, the moment we left our daughter on her own, was a moment we had prepared her for since the day of her Baptism — but we knew it couldn’t end there.

There was so much more that needed to be done, and every parent needs the Holy Spirit to get this one right.

Though there are a few tried and true methods to helping our kids develop a truly personal relationship with God.

I think the first one is simply introducing your kids, at a young age, to the individual persons of the Trinity.

I still remember sitting my sweet little six year old down on a little loveseat and asking her if she wanted to ask Jesus into her heart.

It was a question I remember my own mother asking me almost 40 years ago, and the answer has set my life on a trajectory that I could never have imagined.

And so, I have continued the tradition with my own kids.

It is a simple prayer that goes something along the lines of, “Jesus I love you. Please come into my heart and never leave me. Amen”.

So simple. Maybe you are thinking it’s too simple and couldn’t possibly make a difference in a child’s life.

Or maybe you are thinking,”Jesus is already in your heart in Baptism. Why ask him in, when He’s already there?”.

I wholeheartedly agree that God dwells within our hearts at Baptism, and will remain there unless we kick him out with serious sin — but if you had somebody living in your home and never acknowledged them, would you actually have a real relationship with them?

Because that simple prayer of a little 6 year old can be the beginning of a relationship so sweet and so powerful that I think none of us can comprehend the power of it.

Fast forward 12 years, and that little 6 year old I led in that simple prayer is now 18, and we were about to leave her into the hands of other people.

As I sat in that car on that last drive before leaving her, I felt there was only one thing left to say:

“When things get difficult, you have to find that bedrock deep within you — that sure footing that you will need. Find it when you feel sad or discouraged or like the storms are about to overtake you.

Find it when the world seems to be growing dark.

Find it and lean on it and build your dreams and plans upon that bedrock. Jesus is that bedrock and if you look for Him, then you will be fine. He will sustain you. You will have everything you need in Him.”

And then we had to say goodbye.

And that was the moment where we began to take a step back and pray that she never, ever lets Him go.

That was the moment we began to hope more and pray more and trust that God has her and He won’t let her go and will send people to help her and guide her and keep her on the right path, too.

The truth is, we have tried our “lousy best” to give our daughter the chance to know Jesus and we have to leave the rest up to her and Him.

Lord have mercy, this thing is really happening! Please be her refuge in times of distress.

In you, O Lord, I take refuge;

Let me never be put to shame!

In your righteousness deliver me and rescue me;

incline your ear to me and save me!

Be to me a rock of refuge, a strong fortress to save me,

for you are my rock and my fortress.

Psalm 71