Talking to Your Kids About Sex

A number of years ago, I was asked to testify before Congress on the issue of abstinence education.

I guess you could say it was because I had “survived” the sexual experiment that so many kids my age had been subjected to — in our schools and in the media we consumed.

I guess you could say I had “survived” all the obvious (and not-so-obvious) messages pushing kids my age into the world of “safe sex” — whatever that was — to the detriment of our hearts, minds, souls and bodies, too.

I was one of the 90210, Dawsons Creek, Friends generation of kids that didn’t actually buy what they were selling — but, I have to be honest, it wasn’t because I was some amazing kid with a will of steel.

Honestly, looking back, it was 100 % the grace of God that kept me from all the devastating crap that the kids around me had to deal with after jumping into sexual relationships.

I guess you could say I was one of the “lucky ones” in a sea of young men and women walking around with broken hearts and minds and bodies.

I was a survivor, and maybe you were, too. Or maybe, you didn’t successfully navigate the confusing world of sex outside of marriage and you have some regrets of your young life.

No matter where you come from, no matter your choices in the past, if you are a parent you have both the right and the responsibility to tell your kids about another way to live their lives — one that offers true freedom and happiness.

You also have the right to tell your kids about as much or as little of your own choices as you choose to tell them. It’s really up to you.

Your past is just that — the past — and if you’ve confessed those sins, it’s time to move on. It’s time to prepare your kids for this sex-saturated world that they will be living in.

This is no time to panic or be afraid of this world we find ourselves in.

Now is the time to pray for the courage and wisdom to be the parent God created you to be.

It’s time to engage with your kids and prepare them, with the help of God, to be more than survivors. It’s time to prepare them to be “thrivers” in the world they find themselves in.

How exactly do you do that? First of all, take a little time to focus on your own stuff.

Go to Confession. Immerse yourself in God’s Word. Go to Mass. Pray the Rosary. Avail yourself of channels of grace that are available through His Church.

And then just begin.

Begin to talk to your kids about sex. If you don’t know what to say, spend some time reading the amazing Theology of the Body in John Paul II’s own words. Go straight to the source.

If that’s too much for you, you can check out this post I wrote on more specifics of how to share a Theology of the Body with your kids. It also contains a link to a great series of podcasts by Fr. John Riccardo.

I know Christopher West offers lots of help in understanding the Theology of the Body as well. (A word of caution: Sometimes I think West goes a bit too far in some of his explanations that I don’t necessarily agree with…especially for younger kids…but I know many have found him helpful. )

As awkward as talking about sex can be with your kids — if you don’t talk to them, somebody else will.

Believe me, there are people standing in line to tell your kids about sex — and sadly many of them do not have your kids’ best interests at heart.

In fact, if your kids attend a school, you should dig deep as to how exactly sex will be discussed and what resources will be used.

What you may discover is that some very “kind and self-less” organizations are actually offering your kids’ school a sex ed program — for free!

Imagine that! Oh, those good, kind-hearted organizations that have come up with a curriculum absolutely free for your kids — asking nothing in return. How could you possibly say no?

Can you guess where this one is going? Yep, there is just one little-itty bitty problem with many of these “generous” organizations, freely offering to educate your kids and mine on sex and health.

The problem that you may discover if you do your research on these groups with names like Advocates for Youth — amongst others — you will find that they are in the back-pocket of businesses that are making money off of your kids having sex!

Yep. Apparently there is no such thing as a free lunch, people.

Too many parents have been side-swiped by their school administrations bringing in programs that actually get their kids more interested in having sex and in equipping them to do it without their parent’s knowledge or input.

Take for example, the group I mentioned above, Advocates for Youth. They have a huge “free” program being implemented in schools all around the country.

The problem is that they have “partnered” with the likes of Trojan Brand condoms and Planned Parenthood to gain access to young kids around the country and push “safe sex” on them — without sharing the real life heart ache, physical and psychological effects this choice will have on their life.

The point is, there is a HUGE conflict of interest here.

A condom company and a billion dollar abortion business (Yes, that’s Billion with a “B” in profits) have no right to have access to our kids and to tell them about sex.

These businesses are not going to tell kids to abstain, because they stand to lose millions — if not billions — by kids abstaining.

They have everything to gain by pushing sex on kids — even though they know it’s not actually “safe” at all.

Science backs up what I’m saying here.

There are studies around the globe that show the high rate of failure of “safe sex” methods in preventing both incurable STD’s and pregnancy — especially among young people.

Furthermore, countless studies, show the clear connection between early engagement in sexual activity and negative outcomes for kids.

Teens who are involved in sexual activity showed the highest levels of depression, suicide thoughts and suicide attempts, as well as illicit drug use. Surprise, surprise! (Not really.)

Let’s just call a spade a spade. Trojan condoms and Planned Parenthood are there to create a bigger customer base. They have nothing to gain by encouraging kids to abstain from sexual activity and everything to lose.

They should not be allowed in our schools or our sex ed programs.

And they think parents are gullible enough to believe that they have our kids’ best interest at heart.

They dare to claim that they are “pro-women’s health”? Oh, please!

Let’s be real. The biggest losers in this scenario are girls and women. Girls and women are being asked to bear the brunt of a culture that pushes sex as entertainment.

They are being told to pop the Type-1 Carcinogen cancer-causing birth control pill and show up at the abortion clinic, on their own, when their contraception fails.

They also aren’t being told about the clear connection between use of the birth control pill and breast cancer — especially when started at a young age.

They most definitely aren’t hearing from Planned Parenthood about a similar connection found between abortion and breast cancer — especially when Planned Parenthood has a quota to keep.

But women are being told to “just get over it” when they fall into a deep sadness and depression after their abortion. Planned Parenthood offers them no help after the abortion.

To make matters worst, Girls are being told from a young age that their value is in how “sexy” they can be and in the pleasure they can give to others.

They are being told that their fertility is a disease to be cured, rather than a unique gift from God that should be reverenced and respected.

It’s all a huge lie, and totally anti-woman! Girls deserve so much better than that.

Don’t get me started. I have to stop. This post has already run too long.

The point is this: We can’t be afraid of talking to our kids about sex and sharing the beautiful truth and plan that God has for our lives — including our sexuality.

Parents, you have everything you need to share the beautiful truth about sex with your kids.

Don’t be afraid. Pray. Hope, Don’t worry, and talk to your kids about sex.

Godspeed!