The Hardest Part of NFP

Hey everybody, it is Natural Family Planning awareness week! I figured an honest look at the challenges of living out NFP is in order, but first a little background on my own NFP journey.

Before I was married, I studied Christian Marriage and Family and the basics of NFP. I fell in love with the concept of it all — diving deep into the philosophy and theology — it made complete sense to me.

If I’m being absolutely honest, though, I was probably a bit too idealistic about how NFP was going to look in my own life.

And that was before Instagram, people, so imagine how bad I would have been if I had been starting out now!

Which is why my discussions of NFP with other married couples in honest and, sometimes blunt, ways was a huge help in my early married life.

They prepared me to see the full picture — not just all the theology and philosophy behind it — but the good, the bad and the ugly about trying to live out NFP in my own life.

I am forever grateful for those honest discussions about the difficult stuff — the challenges, the fears, the struggles and even the suffering — because that is a part of NFP, too.

We live in a society where a woman’s fertility is often treated like a sickness or a disease to be “cured”.

Babies are often looked on as accessories that complete the perfect little life that we try to create for ourselves — but only if we can keep it down to two or three kids.

Anything beyond that, and you just might start to get rude comments and stares in the grocery store.

Those things can be difficult in themselves to bear, especially on a bad day, but I really don’t think that is the most difficult part of practicing NFP.

In my opinion, the absolutely most difficult part of NFP is the “interim”time — the span of time between the “I might be pregnant” and the “Oh, wow, I really am pregnant” span of your fertile time.

Perhaps even more surprising is the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde responses to said possibility of new baby. You may find yourself happy, sad, scared, and bewildered — within a span of minutes.

Because on one hand, you absolutely know that every baby is worth every bit of pain, discomfort, suffering, indigestion and not fitting in any of your clothes.

But on the other hand, you might not be absolutely doing backflips about the possibility of all the hard things and sufferings that will most likely be a part of your pregnancy.

If I am being absolutely honest with you, I absolutely love my babies, but I really don’t like being pregnant. I just feel awful, every waking moment of every day of those 10 months.

Which is why, after each one of my babies is born, I look them in the eyes and tell them, with tears in my own, that they were absolutely worth Every.Single.Bit.Of.Suffering.

Because they were!

And yet, having said all of that, I still must admit there is sometimes an inner struggle that goes on in those early days before I can take a pregnancy test.

Oh, that darn interim time! That 10 days or so of living in Limbo before I can take that pregnancy test — it is the hardest time for me, because I don’t really know if there is a new baby growing inside of me, so the doubts and fears loom larger.

So large, that I sometimes find myself having a conversation with God that goes something along the lines of, “Please, Lord, please I am begging you. Don’t let me be pregnant!”

Maybe somebody reading this has felt the same way and maybe you are ashamed of feeling that way. I don’t think God wants us to feel ashamed about those thoughts and doubts. They are normal.

He doesn’t even want us to feel bad about our desperate “negotiations” that sometimes also happen during that interim time.

Negotiations that sound a bit like: “Hey, Lord, if I can not be pregnant, then I will (insert promise of increased holiness in your life here). Thank you for considering.”

Am I the only one who has ever had those conversations with God?

And let me just remind you that Jesus has 100% been there, too, so He completely understands what you are going through.

Remember, on the night before He was to suffer, He also experienced an inner struggle and turmoil about the good thing He was being asked to do.

In the midst of that struggle, He turned to His loving Father in heaven and said, “Lord, please let this cup pass from me.”

Only after intense prayer did He finally turn to His Father and say, “Let this cup pass, but not my will but yours be done.”

So Jesus gets it, people! If you have had your own doubts and struggles, then know that you are in good company and you can stop feeling ashamed about it.

Jesus understands, and that is why you must go directly to Jesus and spend time with Him and, share your fears and your pleas and every single doubt you have in your mind about the possible pregnancy you are facing.

I promise you this much. He will give you the grace for whatever that pregnancy test will tell you.

He will either prepare you to absolutely change your mindset and help you take on the challenges of this new pregnancy with grace — or He will prepare you to make the most of this time and love your husband and the kids you already have with greater fervor.

One of the most unexpected gifts of practicing NFP is the ability to transition from a mindset of worry, fear and struggle to one of love and even excitement for the new life growing within you.

It’s called grace and that is what practicing NFP can do for your life.

Rumor has it, there are a few women out there who absolutely love being pregnant — they love every single second of it, and they have never felt more womanly than those ten months of carrying a baby in their womb.

Then there are the rest of us — those of us who love our babies, but really don’t like being pregnant at all.

Those of us who feel more like Jabba the Hut (on a bad day) than the Hollywood starlets owning the runway with their baby bumps.

Those of us, who feel exhausted and uncomfortable or nauseous for most of our waking moments for all 10 months of pregnancy and marvel at those women running marathons while pregnant.

If you fall into the former category of women loving pregnancy: blessed are you! Thank God for that grace.

For the rest of us, know this: God sees every bit of every struggle and pain, every fear and every suffering you will go through to bring this child into the world and He loves you for it.

In fact, one day He will personally thank you for all the sacrifices, all the sufferings that you went though to bring one more beautiful, priceless, precious child into this world.

And you will look back with such joy and gratitude for every single ounce of suffering — because you will have a beautiful baby to show for all that suffering (even if it ends in a miscarriage).

That baby will live on for all eternity, being loved by you and their siblings and God and all the Saints in Heaven.

So, I salute you, women practicing NFP, who experience a positive pregnancy test with mixed emotions.

I salute you, because you are doing something so beautiful, so amazing, so far beyond any other great work you could ever do in the world.

I know you know that, deep down inside, but I think it’s worth saying it out loud. You are amazing!

I know God thinks so, too, or He wouldn’t have given you this new little baby to nurture and raise in this world.

He has faith in you and He is your loving Father and He would never give you something that wasn’t absolutely going to be for your greatest good. Know that.

I have been there, too, and I just want you to know that all of us living out the call to Natural Family Planning are in it together — this crazy life that the world doesn’t always understand.

So let’s just keep moving forward in faith and hope and trust, knowing we will look back on our lives with gratitude for each and every beautiful (and at the same time terrifying) surprise that may come our way.

Sharing over at Kelly’s