Why, Yes, We Do Know What Causes That. An Honest Look at NFP (Part 1)

I’ll never forget the moment that I first was asked that question, “Don’t you know what causes that!?”

It was at the Chelsea Flower Show in London — and it stands out in my mind because it was one of those rare trips without our kids in tow.

We had even managed to secure tickets to the Chelsea Flower Show on the opening day.  Believe me, this was not an easy feat.  This was no ordinary flower show.  It was extra fancy.

I mean, look at the fancy people walking through these gardens.

The Queen of England even showed up with different members of the royal family — so believe me, it was a really big deal!

Not sure how we got so lucky, but we had fun talking about design and gardening with the designers and walking through beautiful spaces without a care in the world.

It was very out of the ordinary for this stay-at-home mom.  I was typically changing diapers and wiping snot off of faces at this time of day.  Not an ordinary day.

We even managed to find ourselves in a VIP tent, thanks to John’s connections, feeling all fancy as we talked to fancy people about fancy things that don’t really mean much in the end — those types of conversations that happen when you find yourselves in far off places, without your kids.

Eventually, this nicely dressed, rather important man started asking us about our lives in the United States.

He seemed shocked to discover that we had four kids at home — two boys and two girls, no less — it wasn’t like we had all girls and were trying for a boy!

It seemed to leave him completely baffled.  There he stood, the type of man that would fit nicely into a BBC mini-series, well-bred, of excellent education, and dressed to the nines.

Imagine sitting across from him just enjoying the time and trying to soak it all in — while he practically choked on his caviar encrusted cracker at the reality of four kids under the age of 9.

There I sat, wine in hand, waiting for him to recover from the shock of hearing we had four kids at home.

When he finally did recover,  he turned to me and in a perfectly fancy English accent, asked “Don’t you know what causes that?”.

To be honest, I’m not the type of person who usually has the quick, witty answer to questions like those — they typically hit me in the middle of the night, and I wake up thinking, “if ONLY I had said that!”.

This, however, was not one of those days.

I should preface this with a little tidbit of information.  I studied at Oxford University for one term in college, and during that time, I would go down to the local church and join all the cute old, English ladies for a Rosary.

It was during this Rosary that I would put on my very best accent and pretend I was English.  That semester of study gave me time to try to perfect my accent, and it seemed as if all that time had prepared me for a time such as this.

So I looked at this fancy man, who had (objectively speaking) had just asked a rather rude question, and before I could even stop myself, I put on my very best BBC accent and said, “Why, yes, we do know what causes that — and we rah-ther like it!”.

And then I literally laughed like a crazy lady, because I hadn’t expected those words to come out of my mouth.

They were entirely uncharacteristic of me — but they were the best words that I could have said, because he began to laugh, too, and we both had a good chuckle about it. (We were in England, after all, and in England you chuckle.)

To be honest, if I had looked shocked or insulted by his question, it wouldn’t have served my cause at all.

Instead, I just laughed it off, and you know what, it gave me a chance to sincerely answer his question.

We had a great  conversation about why we think kids are amazing why we actually were open to having even more (gasp). I was perfectly sincere and so was he.

It was good.  We bonded over it.

This story perfectly illustrates why it is so good to remember that that in many, many circles having more than two kids is just not “normal”.  Most people have grown up with contraception being touted as a public good, a virtuous thing, even.

I don’t blame anybody who has taken on that idea.  Not at all. We are surrounded by that idea.  It’s hard not to take it on as our own.

I happen to be among a small minority of people in the world who have had the privilege to study at an amazing school with amazing men and women who understood Humanae Vitae — so I was taught why the Catholic Church doesn’t believe in using contraception, way before I even imagined getting married.

Not everybody has that privilege, which is why I can only imagine the difficulty of being Catholic and not having a clue as to why we aren’t supposed to use contraception!

Even more so, I have sympathy for the person who has been taught that contracepting is a responsible and virtuous act to be admired.

I was raised to believe that big families were kind of awesome.  I was blessed to grow up with that mentality.  I realize that’s not the norm.

Which brings us to Natural Family Planning (NFP).  There is so much to be said about it — too much for one post.

Here’s a few initial thoughts.

Firstly, I have to say this from the get-go, natural Family Planning is not always easy.  It’s not, but nothing of value usually ever is “easy”, so why should this be any different?

There are sacrifices of saying “no” during the times of month when somebody naturally desires intimacy more.  On the opposite spectrum, there are sacrifices of saying “yes” when you know what the next year of your life is likely going to involve.

The truth is, I don’t like to suffer any more than anybody else.  To say yes to another life requires an awful lot of a person — mentally, physically and spiritually.  So, it’s not always easy.

Yes, God’s grace is there for you — but I wouldn’t call it easy.  It requires sacrifice and suffering — but the payoff is huge — absolutely worth it in my opinion.

That being said, though NFP is not always easy,  it is incredibly simple.  No pumping your body with chemicals, no gadgets, no contraptions, nothing to separate you — just you and your spouse respecting the natural rhythms of your body.

What could be simpler than that?

Yes, NFP takes trust in God.  I must admit that after some very traumatic deliveries and awful experiences in hospital and home births I have a little bit of PTSD every time I think I might be pregnant.

I’ve had C-Sections that were forced on me, babies not breathing at birth, 4th degree tears and pregnancies in which I felt exhausted for all nine months.  It’s no wonder, I’m not doing back flips the second I imagine I might be pregnant.

But here is where the beauty of NFP really comes through.  Having a mindset that is open to life means that I know that after a few days of seriously praying and being real with God about my doubts and worries, He always gives me this incredible peace to know that all will be well.  He really does.

Honestly, pregnancy is the worst — but babies are the best — and I’m willing to take on pregnancy because the pay-off is a squishy little baby who will make your life and the life of your family a million times better than before.

I share this with you because I used to look at women with a bunch of kids and think, “Oh, pregnancy must just be easy for her”.

This simply isn’t true for most mothers out there.  For most of us, pregnancy gets harder with each baby.

So, if the thought of saying yes to a new life scares the heck out of you — know that you are not alone.

Which brings us back to the premise that the things of value in our lives rarely come easily — why should welcoming a unique, unrepeatable, miracle of a baby, who will live on for eternity be any different?

There’s so much more to be said, but I think I will end with my sincere answer to that question, “Don’t you know what causes that?”

Yes, we do.  We do know what causes a baby.

In fact, if you are practicing NFP, you are so familiar with your body and the signs of your fertility, that you often know that exact moment of conception — or at least the exact day.

To practice NFP is to be crazy enough to say that, despite all the awful things that are happening in this world, we believe that saying yes to loving a new soul is like a little ripple of love that will spread out into the world in ways that we will never fully comprehend.

We believe with all of our hearts, that their lives matter, and that our hearts will grow bigger as they grow, and that we will never, ever regret that moment when we said yes to them.

Come back next week for Part 2.

 

 

Sharing over at Kelly’s